mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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