I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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