I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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