To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
