speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize