You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
