im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Randomize
