Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
