It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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