Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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