On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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