He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
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walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
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I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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