I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
