It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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