I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
