I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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