I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
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i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
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Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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