when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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