I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
