woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
