Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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