yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
