I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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