theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
