I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
