Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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