is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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