my mouth tastes like poor choices
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
