What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
