Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
