In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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