Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
