Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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