btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
