Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
