Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
