I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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