she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
