Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
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I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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