We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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