Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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