Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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