So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
