If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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