Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
