help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
