Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
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Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
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New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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