it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
