her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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