I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
