Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I could fuck to npr.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
