Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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