Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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