So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
