I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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