I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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