He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
