you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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