It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
